I drink YOUR Preview…I DRINK IT UP! There now that that’s out of the way I can get on previewing this all ready historic season in Rockem lore. Beginning with the stylings of Slopes and ending with someone (another 1st time champ?!?!) lifting the cup at some shitty bar somewhere lame. I for one am looking forward to this with bells on my balls, as always the preview is a beast and fun to write, but we went the question route again and trust me all of the previews were written before I looked at any of your answers so if there be some overlap me matey it is just cosmic charm. They will also be posted in draft order, except perhaps mine depending on when I get the guest preview.
As always there were some great teams a bunch that could finish anywhere and a few clunkers…at least in the commish’s eyes, but what do I know I thought Birdie’s team was going to explode in a fiery blimp accident over the rosebowl last year…Goodyear? No the worst, birdie actually won. Sign one of the apocalypses. What do we have to look forward to this season of the samurai in sockem? Beats the piss out of me all I know is that it’s all about…..DRAINAGE!!! DRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIINNNNNNNNGGGGGGEEEEEEEEEE! (Drink it up)
C-town High Pockets
How would you rate your draft (feel free to create your own scale)?
I’ll call it a T-Rex of dinosaurs. Could be ferocious if it doesn’t trip and fall; Too much reaching; Not enough arm.
One Pick you were stoked about, One you should have changed?
Stoked - Adrian Gonzalez (7th rd. 73 overall): No one seemed to like that pick, but I loved getting a 100 run, 100+ rbi, 30 HR guy there. Plus I didn’t like the look of 1B after he was off the board. I guess I was stoked mostly because I would have been pissed if someone else would have snagged him (Renteria - for the same reason – at 96 overall is a close stoked- second) Changed – LACKEY (4th round – 48th overall). I wasn’t happy with the pick to begin with, but I was afraid my next level of pitchers would be gone by the time it snaked all the way around again (they were all still there). It would have been Tulowitzki. FIRST CASUALTY OF THE EARLY DRAFT.
3. Fill in this scenario; you are walking home with one woman of your choice and one MLB player of your choice from Slopes back to the House…what happens? The girl winds up liking Glen more once we get back to the Samurai Haus and goes to the warm-hot tub while I discuss pitching and free-agency with Greg Maddux over a packed bowl, Patron, the last of the keg and some found cigarettes.
4. Whose team are you most impressed with? Dogzilla. Every team has holes. Not predicting a win. But most impressed with the upgrade from the last few seasons.
What is the best baseball movie of all-time?
The Natural. I loved it as a kid because of the Wonderboy angle; as a younger man because of the replacing-the-Whammer-as-the-greatest-there-ever-was angle; and currently as a pure example of the romantic archetype in literature with the subject matter of baseball (and the Wonderboy/Whammer stuff is still dope).
6. What is worse for you Jagerbombs or the fumes we inhaled at Slopes? Grudgingly, I say Jeagerbombs. It took me longer than a comfortable amount of time to feel just ‘ok’ – physically, mentally, spiritually - after the deluge of bombs that weekend. And, since the fumes kept us from further bombs, they were ultimately better for me.
7. Anything to say to your competitors? Thanks. I love this shit.
Commish’s Prespew:
Having the only set pick in the first round this year was a blessing for Brian…It meant he could complain in every other round that I took one of his guys. Brian and the Commish do tend to draft the same way, and we have both been successful in the past, but we have also suckled the bitter teat of defeat, will BK pucker up for the nipple in 7th season during the 08 campaign (We should have synched up these years you know)? A-rod is a no-brainer, I also think AG will be solid at 1st but will Fields be around all season at CI or will Nick “the limp dick or rod or” Johnson stay healthy? Not so sure there. Getting all sentimental over Patron late night does put the BK in my good graces (as does my man crush on everything Vlad) and I do like his squad, well except for that Sheffield character, but he’s again primed for a huge year (on the DL) as are the other Tigers on the highpockets. Well Rounded in the batting categories, I think he will be around the top of the pack there, but his Staff and Pen got dumped on their keyster with the injury to Lackey. The dreaded problem of drafting early a Spring training injury, hopefully he is back soon because BK’s staff needs him.
With Lackey you have a solid starting rotation, without him it falls to Hill, hmmmmm. The Pen will hold up it’s end with 40 (Mark it dude) to the Hoff, and 40+ to Papelboner, and I got a hunch Betancourt takes over in Cleveland so things are nice their, in fact if the Lack makes it back this is one of the better pitching set ups in Rockem…but injuries could De-rail the Pockets. BK has some DL Prone Players (Sheff, Johnson, Upton, Pena, Lackey)
Commish Predicktion: I think BK will need help in the pen and that will whittle down his power advantage, a major trade could skew things, and injuries are a concern, but I see him eeking it out in the free zone-Top 1/3-
Itallion Stallions-
Questions: 1. I think my draft went OK. I had a feeling that you guys were going to avoid pitching more than usual and i tried to capitalize on that by going after pitching; however, I think I still need an additional closer and the power potential of my team is suspect. I also thought that this was the hardest draft ever in the sense that the first three rounds were markedly different than they have been in recent years. Up until recently, it was always Arod-Pujols-Vlad-etc. Having the #2 pick was tough because I think I could have conceivably gone with about eight different dudes. In the end I just sold out and did what the mag told me to do. 2. I think that I'm psyched about Haren-Verlander more than anything. The worst pick I made was makers mark. I also think I picked Kent too high. 3. So as not to disturb anyone furthur (noise), Giambi throws the living room set onto the lawn for me to plow Salma's steakhole in peace. Which I do. But it's not peaceful. Spainsh chicks are loud dirty talkers. 4. I like the balance of torre, Asses and Morneau. If i had to pick, I'd say Morneau. But I have no idea, you guys know that. 5. I know it's cheesy, but the natural. It was the first baseball movie I ever saw. I think the scenes where he strikes out the whammer and knocks the cover off the ball are sick. And, as a kid I had not seen anything that was as heroic as him circling the bases with showers of sparks flying all around him. 6. Slopes? I don't like fumes, I don't remember fumes, but I'll go with fumes. 7. Not to sap out, but it was just great seeing you guys. And I'm going to kick someone's ass this year! Not sure who, but SOMEONE!
Commish’s Prespew:
Ahh the other Patron sentimental late night carouser, good to see you boys are back to back. Vig making his first draft in person I feel really made all the difference. It is hard to draft when not in the Mix, just look at McNally these last four years, but Now that J came East I think he put together his best squad yet…well at least he was on his way to until he passed out around round 17. (That little turn of phrase just reminded me we should do our draft or party our just buy a franchise of Ground Round. God I use to love going to the one by Sayville Bowl, a penny per pound for the kids meal, free popcorn and the ice cream slider helmet for dessert, those places were totally kick ass.) After Round 17 Vig just started naming Yank starters and hoping for the best, it may work for him, but the team he drafted early does show some promise. He will need Hanley, Lowell and Kent to repeat 07 and Hermida and Morenau to Pick it up a notch, but Vig’s team (I almost typed taint in there for a cheap gag…teehee…TAINT!) is fairly solid, almost as Solid as the chair shots he was begging Mike to give him.
Couple of big questions though; Can Beltran run after both those knee surgeries (God I hope so)? Just what the hell is a FuckuDome and how can I get one? Why was the I Luv You not listed in Ludwig's records? And if it was, did he know about it? And if he didn't, who did? And where the hell was I? Love the top 3 starters Haren Verlander and Kazmir, love the top Reliever, if he can maybe make a move for another closer and one of those Yankee Starters come through Vig COULD be looking at free eats, I think he has a chance with this squad…
Commish Predicktion: …And if hell’s bell’s don’t ring and the big Italian comes through in the clutch. Sure he may oversleep the meal, but his speech will be great. –Top 1/3rd-
Patrick Swazye-
How would you rate your draft (feel free to create your own scale)? CODE ORANGE
2. One Pick you were stoked about, One you should have changed? Carlos Pena is my answer for both… if he does it again, I’ll be stoked. Otherwise, I should have changed it.
3. Fill in this scenario; you are walking home with one woman of your choice and one MLB player of your choice from Slopes back to the House…what happens? Not sure how to answer this… Are we talking about my choice of woman from those at SLOPES? If so, I’d have to say the gals from the little girl-on-girl show at the bar. They had personality. If we’re talking any woman at all, I’d say Kate from LOST. She’s a cutie and could protect me on the walk home. Either way, I wouldn’t want a MLB player to steal my thunder… so I’ll take Kaz Matsui because he has anal fissures… and he’s a slope.
4. Whose team are you most impressed with? My own… I drafted 2 closers!! 5. What is the best baseball movie of all-time? Bull Durham
6. What is worse for you Jagerbombs or the fumes we inhaled at Slopes? Impossible for me to determine… seeing as how we consumed Jaegerbombs while inhaling said fumes… the verdict is unclear.
7. Anything to say to your competitors? Poop
Commish Prespew:
Didn’t even know that the pedderarse Jimmy Cunningham from Donny Darko was sick, I thought McNally was just a huge Fan of Dirty Dancing and he and Bull watch it nightly in their pretty pretty princess canopy bed while feeding each other smores and wearing Tutu’s….only Tutu’s. (How’s that for a visual?) D-Mac Shacked up on the steps and went to town. He actually may have went to town as I don’t think I heard peep from him except the odd, “That’s My Roomate” line. Just like his prementioned roommate however Bodhi from Point Break put together his best draft yet in this commish’s opinion, but will it be good enough to eat for free? In those chaotic first few rounds James Dalton picked up a healthy Wright/Webb/Suzuki house roll with a side of Pena. Like any good Mexican jumping into the sushi fray there are a few questions. Did Ichiro blow his contract load last year (doubt it he may end up HOF IMO ASAP) Can Pena hit 40+ again? That is a true question…and one that that 4th round may be a bit early to have asked, but the upside is certainly there. Actually Pop is the big question as you scroll the team, Ankiel, Tejada, Francoeur, Dye, Thome, Thomas Pena. I would like 1 of those guys but all of them may be asking too much from a group that can be hot cold and old. (Or HgH Ankiel’s case). I like his average and runs though and if a few come through for Jed from Red Dawn then he could be pushing the contenders.
The staff is solid not spectacular. And except for maybe 1 or two other teams this year in the league that probably is about as good as it will get. Carpenter could be (COULD be) huge…next year, but Johnny Castle has him this year. Finally grabbing two closers was nice out in the AL west, and Street literally is the best player on the A’s this year, but how many Saves will he get? Again the staff isn’t horrible isn’t great, solid C+ for Sam Wheat’s Boys.
Commish Predicktion: While I like Darry Curtis’s effort I don’t see all those power question marks coming through, but I do see a solid staff and a few of them propelling Truman Gates to the middle of the pack. –Middle 1/3rd
Dogzilla-
1. How would you rate your draft (feel free to create your own scale)? My best yet - somebody knows where that will put me in the standings but I think i'll continue to move up this year. 2. One Pick you were stoked about, One you should have changed? Definitely stoked about picking #4 and getting MCab. As for a change - i'd like to have more of an ace but not sure where i could have fit that in - don't think i'd change my first seven picks. 3. Fill in this scenario; you are walking home with one woman of your choice and one MLB player of your choice from Slopes back to the House…what happens? Since I didn't see any MLB players at Slopes I'll take the two chicks making out on the couch and let them continue on our couch. 4. Whose team are you most impressed with? Bird's team from last year - how did that happen??? 5. What is the best baseball movie of all-time? The Natural 6. What is worse for you Jagerbombs or the fumes we inhaled at Slopes? Oh god, easily the fumes - you notice it at first but after a few mins you get used to it. A few hours later you've been inhaing shit particles all night. Nice! 7. Anything to say to your competitors? Good luck.
Commish Prespew:
Ahh Dog-ZIRRRA!!! He came in costume as a Samurai for the Draft (how did he know the theme??) he was hitting the Slopes! Hard (teehee) and he must be pumped the season starts in his homeland of Japan. He also wanted to draft an only Japanese team, but that plan went the way of the Dodo when Fatoneuzki’s favorite player Kazuhito Tadanowas waved (Look him up). Trying to send a curveball to the league he faked the funk on the Pu Pu platter and went straight to the guy who has been at the all-you-can-eat Chinese Buffet for FOUR HOUR! YOU GO NOW!! I kid, MigCab looks like he lost weight, but that huge new contract can buy a shit load of Double Cheeseburgers. Donald-san put in some good work in the next few rounds as well, grabbing Manny that late could prove to be a real steal and the young OF Combo of Morecockass and Pence round things out nicely…Jesus Christ I like Don’s Team Again!!!
Oh wait we are only half way done…Thank god. This staff is put together with Chopsticks and Eye Contact Sauce, and her Comes Wang!!! Finally, a fellow country man to make Fatonesan proud. That’s about all who he will make proud, I just have no faith in the Wang, I think he is just too big in the britches, I mean the Wang will never fit in my ass…wait what!? 2 and a half closers from the NL Central, a Hudson (who I begrudgingly like) and a Penny in a Peartree who literally shit himself on the mound during the second half last year, yeah I think I’ll pass. Seriously Don looked like a gook.
Commish Predicktion: Feasting on O Fasting on D and since he burned me last year: Bottom 3rd for the Chinaman –Bottom 1/3rd
Zeddemore’s Poles 1.How would you rate your draft (feel free to create your own scale)? On a scale of how long it takes Tom to pay you back for a baseball ticket, with day-of obviously being higher than 9 months later, I’d peg my team at about 14 months. 2. One Pick you were stoked about, One you should have changed? Reyes vs pretty much every other pick I made, Reyes of course being the disappointment.
3. Fill in this scenario; you are walking home with one woman of your choice and one MLB player of your choice from Slopes back to the House…what happens? Pretty much the same shit that happens every other weekend.
4. Whose team are you most impressed with? I will win the league this year. 5. What is the best baseball movie of all-time? Stripes.
6. What is worse for you Jagerbombs or the fumes we inhaled at Slopes? Jagerbombs are good for you. Anyone who says otherwise is a liar.
7. Anything to say to your competitors? I maintain, that in certain instances, throwing all the contents of the living room out onto the front lawn is completely justified.
Commish’s Prespew:
HAHA! Oh I am sorry were you expecting a preview…Ok Ok I will do my best. I was err…I was just thinking of something else just now. Eh. The Sadatay had one hell of a weekend, and went into the draft testing the age old theory, “Can I consume 18 Jager Bombs the night before the draft, get 2 hours sleep and contend for a Rockem Title?” Well Jeff can now put that theory to the test, but I gotta give my odds here and now so I will do my best. What might not be a good sign is literally looking at Christopher Meloni’s team and not knowing who he took with his second round pick…pssst I don’t think he knows…The Geri Curled Magg’s isn’t a bad pick, but I gotta say not much jumps out at you past Reyes. And when I say not much, that could even be an over statement. Brad Evans big brother should have taken his little brothers advice, all though not his jokes, I find that fucker grating on my Irish nerves. Winston as always scrapped pitching, and may find a few gems with Gallardo and Meyers…but yuck. Where Jeffe normally exceeds are his huge bar bills and his huge bats, and the major capitalist isn’t moving his belly off the bar anytime soon, but the bats are wilting. Guillen Byrnes Hunter Garko? Hmm…Hmm.Hmmmm….(Notice me Dragging this out much?). Let me just say the best move Jeff made this weekend was tossing all the furniture out of the house so no one got hurt. However he’s always successful (without lifting the cup) and he is engaged, that has served everyone well in the past so..…
Commish Predicktion: …well that changes this year. 2008 Rockem is just too close to have this bad of a draft. Jeff could fight for a mid table finish because he is one of the best managers out there, but his streak of never finishing below 6th is over. Monster Dump Rally Indeed –Bottom 1/3rd
Marilyn Morneau 1. How would you rate your draft (feel free to create your own scale)? I think my draft was a lot like the Olive Garden. Not cheap, fast garbage, but also not the real thing. Something seemed a little off for me in the way I usually feel post-draft (7,000 jagerbombs the night before perhaps? No, couldn¹t be.) I remember saying this to him at the draft - that my team looked a lot like Gallagher¹s type of team. Which is neither good nor bad, just didn¹t feel a lot like my type of team. 2. One Pick you were stoked about, One you should have changed? Stoked about the Vernon Wells pick for a multitude of reasons: A) if me and the commish went the entire draft without one of us stealing a pick from the other I would have been rather disappointed. B) it actually made me feel better about what I still think is a kinda risky pick. C) He¹s V Doubles. And I would take Delmon Young over Andruw Jones if I had it to do overagain. I don¹t like AJ, swore I would never have him, yet there he is. Staring right at me with those cold eyes and even colder AVG. 3. Fill in this scenario; you are walking home with one woman of your choice and one MLB player of your choice from Slopes back to the House what happens? Wait, did this happen!!?? I was a little out of it. I don¹t remember getting home either night, so I¹m confused. I think I left with Jeff the second night and we walked home. No woman though. Wait, Jeff you play ball for really? MLB? I would have drafted you instead of Jones or Young. Umm, I¹ll walk home with Britney Spears and Steve Howe. But nothing happens. 4. Whose team are you most impressed with? As per usual, too close to call, everybody is missing something and nobody knows what will happen and we are all awesome. That not withstanding, I¹m actually a fan of Patrick Swayze. And Don¹s team ain¹t bad either. If Pena is for real and Tejada bounces back, I think this squad could make some noise. 5. What is the best baseball movie of all-time? Major League. Probably should have read my questionnaire before I shot that one out on the ol¹ message board. 6. What is worse for you Jagerbombs or the fumes we inhaled at Slopes? Well if you take into account the nutritional value of jagerbombs? No, it¹s jagerbombs. Actually, what is truly worse is handing your credit card over to naughty schoolgirl bartenders. Yowza, what a weekend. 7. Anything to say to your competitors? I will be taking CC Sabathia in the first round next year when he signs with the yanksŠ oh and this year, I¹m totally winning. Get out the way suckas, that¹s Jason Kubel in left field!!!! Šgood lord.
Commish Prespew:
Mike surprised me last year. I thought his team lacked, power, integrity, intelligence, charisma, and most of all Jager Bombs. This year he remedied that by putting out the big foot vibe and making the Ski house outside of Hunter happen (with much support from fellow QUEENS) and was initiated to Ghetto Speed Bombs pre-Hunter, so he had a leg up on the competition, if a Liver down. Grabbing Chase a second year in a row is fantastic, he may have been on his way to an MVP award last year if not for that freak gloryhole accident, or was Utley destroyed along with the room at the Loews Hotel? Backing him up with a few bats pre his inevitable pitcher run was a smart move, but does Hafner have anything left? Trust me I watched him last year and he flat out sucked…no slump, SUCKMP. With all the Dodgers on the squad he will need Pronk to be decent, because Chavez Ravine is almost as big as that girls ass you were talking to last night (Posting this assuming it will be true). The Of of the Marilyn’s is a bounce back project, and wow you did draft everyone from LA, god I know you love the City but that was pretty insane…Things on the bat side look well rounded unless an Earthquake hits.
Where Mike butters his biscuits is at the Black Bear and in the Pen, and again this year is no different, I am sure he is more worried about Andruw Jones then he is Ben Sheets. In fact this staff is may be the best in the league…let me explain others have more highpoints, but this is the most well rounded and suited for the long hall. Corpas Izzy Wagner closing, Halladay Hamels Sheets Weaver will give great stats, the only worry could be Izzy’s and Sheets health but they appear deep enough to weather the Sheets 2nd week torn ACL.
Commish Predicktion: an Interesting squad here, I am a bit perplexed with the offense, but something tells me this may be his year: Top-1/3rd
Half Time side question…you ever take a shit and throw up on your dick?
NOLA Crawdaddies 1.How would you rate your draft (feel free to create your own scale)? I would say it was halfway between Gator Bites and a steaming cup of Crawfish Etouffee all backed up by an ice cold Abita. 2. One Pick you were stoked about, One you should have changed? Stoked like a fire about Ortiz coming back to me at 2, but Unit with the 247 pick and Milledge with 223 I think will be big. Changed? Gotta be Buchholz even though I think he could be special (ie Retarded) and is dating a Penthouse Pet (ie Jealous) I should have taken a less risky SP like Weaver or Bondermen
3. Fill in this scenario; you are walking home with one woman of your choice and one MLB player of your choice from Slopes back to the House…what happens? Well basically that weekend I would have taken any rolly polly little fat face girl to walk home with but dream wise… me and Selma would be walking home and cold chillin with “The Loaded Weapon” Eljiah Dukes, probably high on good shite. Then a band of Ninjas from slopes would attack us and I would cry, Selma would lose some close and Dukes would be all like “You Dead Dawg I ain’t even Bullshittin”(1) Go wild and kill them ninjas then pull a Billy Cole (2) and Blow his brains out. Selma would be all traumatized and saying shit like “Era loco necesito algún Pene irlandés” (3) And I would be like…Boosh (4). Footnotes to my dream: (1)http://www.sptimes.com/2007/05/23/Tampabay/Ballplayer_s_wife__He.shtml (2)http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0102266/ (3)“That was crazy I need some Irish Dick.” (4)http://www.babarshouse.com/
4. Whose team are you most impressed with? Honestly, probably Vig’s. Major turnaround when the kid drafts in Person. 5. What is the best baseball movie of all-time? Tough Question, Eight Men Out is criminally underrated in my book, Major League is the Funniest…but if it Counts (which it may not) the When It Was a Game Series on HBO almost makes me cry…Jesus I should buy that.
6. What is worse for you Jagerbombs or the fumes we inhaled at Slopes? Nostrils were burned out years ago…Jagerbombs will kill me, this I am sure of…but I have lead a blessed life until now baby, no complaints…well except for that threesome that went a rye freshmen year…
7. Anything to say to your competitors? My team fucks the hottest bitches: http://www.withleather.com/post.phtml?pk=5257
GUEST PREVIEW written this year by none other then our own favorite Dennis Bull Walters:
It looks like it will be another consistent year for SPD. A consistent draft strategy, Rounds 1-10: Hardly any white guys (Zimmerman’s a Jew right? According to Moon that doesn’t count) Rounds 11-24: Draft the youngest or the oldest guy on the board. Follow that will a consistent amount of Jagerbombs and a consistent love for BIG PAPI and you get a team with a bunch of questions.
The biggest obviously is WHERE THE FUCK IS MARK PRIOR?
In a recent fantasy interview Prior reportedly stated: “I am proud to be a Rockem Sockem fan favorite. It is an honor to return to the NOLA Crawdaddies where I was a first round pick in 2004. It’s been a long journey and I look forward to bringing another championship to…….what was that? He dropped me? For who? SHAWN MOTHER FUCKING MARCUM?”
In a follow up interview Prior quipped “Do I look like a Spoonybarger to you asshole? Oh yeah…and H.O.T.S. sucks ass!”
Other questions remain:
Can the Crawdaddies be the first to bring home the coveted Ees a Boat Cup for a second time? Is Curtis Granderson fo’ real? Or will he be icing his finger with a 40 of Colt 45 under a sign that says Rib Tips for the first half of the season? Will Hamilton go the way of Kaz Matsui when he breaks his crackpipe sliding into third? Anal fissures are a bitch!
Will Hughes, Buchholtz, Upton, and Milledge live up to hype? Wait did I say Milledge??? Milledge was expelled from Northside Christian School in 2003 for having sex with a 15-year-old girlfriend and agreed to enroll in a juvenile arbitration program to avoid prosecution. Soon after the Mets drafted Milledge in 2003, the Daily News reported that he had been accused of having consensual sex with 12 and 13-year-old girls as well, which led to his expulsion from school.
Did you draft a Fantasy Baseball Player or Humbert Humbert? I guess that’s why he looked so uncomfortable in Right Field at Shea…. didn’t get to play on too many fields with grass.
Although the foundation of Ortiz, Rollins, Abreu is solid, this is a team that is going to live and die with the kids and senior citizens. Tulowitzki is a stud in the making and we could see breakout years from Weeks, Zimmerman, and Hamilton. A wing and a prayer on Giambi, Griffey, and Delgado could provide the veteran leadership to get the Crawdaddies to eat free.
On the other side of the 6 x 6 format we have the youngest staff in the league. This is no doubt a great staff…Zambrano, King Felix, Phil Hughes, No-No Buchholz, that kid known as the Big Unit. However is this a first place staff for 2008 or 2011? I predict a lot of wins, very few CG’s and a whole lot of WHIP. For saves, this team needs a Saito injury for Broxton to emerge, Jenks is fine but a post roid Gagne is not a reliable number two.
At the end of the day this is a team that is likely to make a Skin the Cat move in the final weeks to compete but ultimately takes a fistful of Fujidust to the eyes to finish just out of the Free Eats.
(Commish Note, Thanks Bull)
The Bleeding Asses
1. How would you rate your draft (feel free to create your own scale)?
0 (Fat girl dancing by herself at Slopes) 10 ($4000 Hooker)
‘Bout an 8.75. Feeling good thus far.
2. One Pick you were stoked about, One you should have changed?
(Stoked) Francisco Liriano (Changed) The one in Glen’s hair.
3. Fill in this scenario; you are walking home with one woman of your choice and one MLB player of your choice from Slopes back to the House…what happens?
So Eva Longoria and Evan Longoria and I walking through a misty evening on our way back from Slopes. While walking through the muddy path Eva…..wait you’re just trying to make me sound gay.
4. Whose team are you most impressed with?
Vig’s Solely because he actually made the draft……fell asleep at the draft…..and wiped out almost crushing McNally at the end of the draft. Frankly I’m impressed he even has a team. Drafting in locations with no communication probably not a good idea for the future.
5. What is the best baseball movie of all-time?
Take the Bullpen Car….Christ Dorn…..I got a guy on the other line about some whitewalls.
6. What is worse for you Jagerbombs or the fumes we inhaled at Slopes?
Jagerbombs
7. Anything to say to your competitors?
Pass the NIPS!
Commish Prespew:
Bull sat in the corner and reigned supreme on the quasi gey jokes all weekend, like a king on a throne. A throne that had a vibrating butt plug facing upwards wedged into the seat. He went for well rounded over hype and position early with Monster Holliday and Sizemore, who should fit this Sizequeen nicely. Then the pitching run with two of the AL’s best. Russell, Chipper, Brad, CRACKERS!!!! Nice work all white guys…(is grady white?) I guess that all day ski-fest and Hot Tub hanging with Glen really put you off the dark meat huh? But you just couldn’t resist a Fist-o to set you upright in the pants. This team besides the racial makeup is a bit mind boggling it seems well rounded but could be lacking in all areas if the cookie crumbles into the Bud incorrectly. The Staff is incredibly Pen heavy, How much can Joba the Man Slut contribute? Will Liriano be the beast that he was or have his arm fall off? If he is back in full swing Bull could contend for the cup, and I think he just might. But if Beckett’s Back goes out Bedrad struggles and Liranio underperforms (all very possible) I could see him struggling in the bottom 2. Really odd.
(Commish’s Late Edit: Seriously, Bull drafted a guy who has anal fissure’s!!! Kaz Matsui needs surgery for ANAL FISSURE’S!! http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anal_fissure I mean come on I could have saved all my time and just sent a link of Kaz’s post it instead of the preview, the jokes write themselves sometimes)
Commish Predicktion: Color me confused, this team has me perplexed; I originally thought they would win Rockem 8. Then I thought last place, I don’t know, literally don’t know. Nothing with this squad can surprise me –Middle 1/3rd
(Commish Late Edit: Not Even Anal FiSSURE’S!)
Torre A New One
How would you rate your draft (feel free to create your own scale)?
God Awful….when you have 5 guys hurt before the season even starts, cant be good
One Pick you were stoked about, One you should have changed?
Stoked – Santana Changed - Santana
3. Fill in this scenario; you are walking home with one woman of your choice and one MLB player of your choice from Slopes back to the House…what happens?
The MLB Player will do the walk of shame back to Slopes to find a fat chick drinking Jagerbombs.
4. Whose team are you most impressed with? Vigs 5. What is the best baseball movie of all-time? Field of Dreams
6. What is worse for you Jagerbombs or the fumes we inhaled at Slopes? The fumes we inhaled back at the house after drinking the Jagerbombs.
7. Anything to say to your competitors? Anyone want Santana???
Commish Prespew:
Well Well Well returning Champion….Must be nice…Live it up while you can, since NO one repeats in this and you are well on your way there with this heaping pile a steaming mucus. I haven’t even looked at your team yet, I am still just bitter. All right let me look. Nope nothing changes…still bitter. I do however see a bunch o’pop on this squad, HR’s should not be a problem or OBP, but the BA with the Stinky Sexy and Pat the Bat will sink like a stone. Also not the most speed, but why do you need speed when you are the anointed Poker champ of this group. Hope I started a fight with that one, Kitty’s got claws! Birdies Moment of Truth (is that what that show is called) came early and he jumped on it like a hand grenade, grabbing Santana, does he parley him into a few players or ride him to HIS WRITTEN IN STONE (tommyjohnsurgery) CY YOUNG!!! Behind Santana things are a bit thin and creaky with Percival…wow back in the league and closing…And Rod Beck is dead…Fair? Unfair? Unfair! After a bit mulling over it is a pretty well rounded O but the pen while decent seems a bit thin. And one flase step and you are swimming in Raw Sewage. I love it…
Commish Predicktion: …and you will love this, I just don’t see it again…I was going to pick the Birdman to win just to piss him off, but no sir, I don’t like it. Unless you are getting married again this year…then all bets are off. –Bottom 1/3rd
Bourne To Run
How would you rate your draft (feel free to create your own scale)?
- On a scale of 1 to 10, I'd rate my draft a blah. The past few years I came out of the draft psyched with my team and they shit the bed. So maybe this team will do something...that doesn't involve beds or shitting. 2. One Pick you were stoked about, One you should have changed? -Very excited about Pedro in round 10. If he comes close to approaching his old self then my pitching is in good shape. Also very happy about Michael Bourn. Maybe a bit of a reach in round 13, but if he hits at all he'll run a TON. And I heard that another team was thinking of drafting him around the same time as I got him. Should have changed: Could have done better than Blanton in round 15 3.Fill in this scenario; you are walking home with one woman of your choice and one MLB player of your choice from Slopes back to the House…what happens? Trick question. I only get driven home from Slopes by BK (oh my geeeoood!). And considering that I pass out at 8:30 while everyone else is there, I'll leave it up to you to decide whether I'm dreaming of a woman or a certain baseball player (hint: rhymes with Schmoookie Schmilson)
4. Whose team are you most impressed with? It's a tough call this year. No one team stands out. I thought that Bull's looked pretty good but then it was correctly pointed out to me by a fellow manager that his bullpen is garbage . (Hint: rhymes with Schmike Schmyniec) 5.What is the best baseball movie of all-time? Really tough. I have to go with The Natural. I have never seen Bang the Drum Slowly but I should. The best unintentionally funny baseball movie by FAR is Fear Strikes Out. Serioulsy, rent it. It's absolutely hilarious and it's supposed to be a heart-wrenching drama about mental illness.
6. What is worse for you Jagerbombs or the fumes we inhaled at Slopes? Jagerbombs. Easily
7. Anything to say to your competitors? Stop drinking my goddamn milkshake!!!!!
Commish Boss Predicktion:
In the day we sweat out the night before’s jagerbomb dreams, at night we destroy ski haus mansions, inhale Slopes! Fumigation Machines. Your team is certainly sprung out from the pitching cages lining highway 9 (road to Hunter), but your offense is far from chrome wheeled except for the Howard injected masher who certainly can hit them over the line. The 6 offense categories are going to rip the bones out of your teams back, they’ll be a literal death trap. Better hope your Pitching carries you while your still young, because Tommy to eat for free your going to need more then the 40 Sb’s from Michael Bourne to Run.
Commish Boss Predicktion: Tramps like Tom baby, were born to pay for food. Middle 1/3rd
Ephedraheartstoppers How would you rate your draft (feel free to create your own scale)? On a scale of baseball teams where SanFran is the worst and Mets are the best I rank my team the Brewers. (or Cubs depending if Roberts gets traded) One Pick you were stoked about, One you should have changed? I dont get stoked. After talking with Eben I should have taken Brawn in the first round since he says he wouldnt have taken Prince giving me him on the wrap around and all the Brewers. Also I wanted Billy Butler but I got Joe Borowski that round...awesome. Fill in this scenario; you are walking home with one woman of your choice and one MLB player of your choice from Slopes back to the House…what happens? Nothing happens, because if I had the choice of one woman I certiantly wouldnt be bringing her back to the funhouse. I'd then tell Coco Crisp to get in the kitchen and make me some cereal. Whose team are you most impressed with? Yours. You have Lastings Milledge for gods sake. Cant lose. What is the best baseball movie of all-time? Field of Dreams - I do have family in Iowa What is worse for you Jagerbombs or the fumes we inhaled at Slopes? Both helped make that place bearable Anything to say to your competitors? Jeff is winning because he is getting married this year. Dumbass. The battle is for 2nd.
Commish PreSpew:
Cruising up in the Hoopity was a hoot with the Moon (who’s namesake the Blue Moon was a complete shit show by the way…yet another bad pick that weekend Winston!) in which we discussed possible scenarios McDonalds toppings, houses, and vagina. All of which ended up being present on Blue Moons Team (new nickname, patent that shit). He got the House out of the way first with the big ticketed and big tittied Prince fielder, should be huge…all over. Backing him up is D the Crime Dog Lee who loves Pickles and hot sauce on his double cheese, and then he drafted JD Drew to fit the Vagina mold…nice work. I also picked up a shit load of Mike and Ikes from Stewarts on the way up and I just found out Matt Kemp is addicted to them…I knew I should have drafted that dude.
We all know Moon is not against making trades, and I think he will need to pull the trigger a bit this year, his aggressive poker from the night before made he go aggressive O, with Cubbie Bears, (field trip to Wrigley?) but he needs some help in the Pen, Harang will put up K’s and wins, but Young Lincecum and Wainwright isn’t the most glorious of staffs, the pen is loaded, but I think there just seems to be too many holes in this Swiss Cheese Moon (new nickname patent it). Jay will always make changes and he always makes a run, just don’t see him running a marathon this year the way he did draft weekend. Nice Work…HomeOwner (teehee)
Commish Predicktion: Like the Grilled Cheese he cooked up Moons teams will look good at first but will hurt in the end (literally)-Middle 1/3rd
The Spearmint Rhinos-
1. How would you rate your draft (feel free to create your own scale)?
Orange out of a possible Red
2. One Pick you were stoked about, One you should have changed?
Retrospectively-stoked about A. Pujols...can't believe you
chumps allowed him to drop to the 12 hole just because of one "off"
year. R. Braun was probably a lousy move. I have no idea who this guy is
and blame McNally entirely for pushing him on me.
3. Fill in this scenario; you are walking home with one woman of
Your choice and one MLB player of your choice from Slopes back to the House...what happens?
I put on my pajamas and Burts Bees, go to bed, and ask them to
please keep it down.
4. Whose team are you most impressed with?
I like Moon's (he was always beating me to the punch) and I have a tacit
appreciation for Commish's...who had an excellent middle draft this year
that could prove rewarding (Phil Hughes, Zimmy, etc etc).
5. What is the best baseball movie of all-time?
Nine Innings from Ground Zero (Ryniec's video of RS7 is a close second)
6. What is worse for you Jagerbombs or the fumes we inhaled at Slopes?
Jager...always Jager...it's like perpetually doing shots of Scope or
Minty Listerine...we may as well hold next year's draft in a dental
office.
7. Anything to say to your competitors?
No. The Rhinos don't speak; they just horn (I don't know what that means either).
Commish Prespew:
Ahh Where to begin?!? At the obvious I guess. R. Braun. Really enough said, but I will continue, cause it is my job. Call it women’s intuition, but I don’t think both of Wilson’s SNAAAAAAAAAAKE Picks live up to their draft spot, Sophomore slump for Braun and a DL trip for the Pujols…BUT if they do he could be in for some nice power numbers…that said I still don’t think our White House Correspondent is going to be making much noise. Lets look, Glaus? Roidhead. Drafting all the Yankees Vig didn’t? Prob a good move. Matt Diaz Wily Tavares Broussard? Who?
The O is kinda faceless if the PuPu leaves, The pitching with Nathan and Oswalt is top heavy but real thin after that, 2 Slopes and a Zito…yikes. Wilson goes by his stat sheets and when he actually decides to stay active as a manager he contends, and even eats for free…DAM YOU REPUBLICAN TOMATO! But this is an election year his mind will be elsewhere, his balls will be in Carol’s purse and his SB’s will be in the shitter. The scared pterodactyl will make an appearance at our all star party if it doesn’t conflict with his presidential duties (tee hee and you know W would laugh at that). But unlike last year when he was striking distance from the cup he will be striking distance from the bowl…the toilet bowl.
Commish Predicktion: The Pajama Mama will be making excuses and coughin up the dough –Botom 1/3rd
I post the final standings strictly on the drafts and not what may or may not happen…as always it is almost to close to call and I could see any team taking the Eets a Boat this year, I take that back Winston would really surprise me…
Commish Final Standings
12. Zeddemore Poles
11. Dogzilla
10. Spearmint Rhinos
9. Torre a New One
8. Bourne To Run
7. ephedraheartstoppers
6. Patrick Swayze
5. The Bleeding Asses
4. NOLA CrawDaddies
3. C-Town Highpockets
2. Italian Stallions
1. Mayiln Morneau
As always there were some great teams a bunch that could finish anywhere and a few clunkers…at least in the commish’s eyes, but what do I know I thought Birdie’s team was going to explode in a fiery blimp accident over the rosebowl last year…Goodyear? No the worst, birdie actually won. Sign one of the apocalypses. What do we have to look forward to this season of the samurai in sockem? Beats the piss out of me all I know is that it’s all about…..DRAINAGE!!! DRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIINNNNNNNNGGGGGGEEEEEEEEEE! (Drink it up)
C-town High Pockets
I’ll call it a T-Rex of dinosaurs.
Could be ferocious if it doesn’t trip and fall;
Too much reaching; Not enough arm.
Stoked - Adrian Gonzalez (7th rd. 73 overall): No one seemed to like that pick, but I loved getting a 100 run, 100+ rbi, 30 HR guy there. Plus I didn’t like the look of 1B after he was off the board. I guess I was stoked mostly because I would have been pissed if someone else would have snagged him (Renteria - for the same reason – at 96 overall is a close stoked- second)
Changed – LACKEY (4th round – 48th overall). I wasn’t happy with the pick to begin with, but I was afraid my next level of pitchers would be gone by the time it snaked all the way around again (they were all still there). It would have been Tulowitzki. FIRST CASUALTY OF THE EARLY DRAFT.
3. Fill in this scenario; you are walking home with one woman of your choice and one MLB player of your choice from Slopes back to the House…what happens?
The girl winds up liking Glen more once we get back to the Samurai Haus and goes to the warm-hot tub while I discuss pitching and free-agency with Greg Maddux over a packed bowl, Patron, the last of the keg and some found cigarettes.
4. Whose team are you most impressed with?
Dogzilla.
Every team has holes. Not predicting a win. But most impressed with the upgrade from the last few seasons.
The Natural.
I loved it as a kid because of the Wonderboy angle; as a younger man because of the replacing-the-Whammer-as-the-greatest-there-ever-was angle; and currently as a pure example of the romantic archetype in literature with the subject matter of baseball (and the Wonderboy/Whammer stuff is still dope).
6. What is worse for you Jagerbombs or the fumes we inhaled at Slopes?
Grudgingly, I say Jeagerbombs.
It took me longer than a comfortable amount of time to feel just ‘ok’ – physically, mentally, spiritually - after the deluge of bombs that weekend. And, since the fumes kept us from further bombs, they were ultimately better for me.
7. Anything to say to your competitors?
Thanks. I love this shit.
Commish’s Prespew:
Having the only set pick in the first round this year was a blessing for Brian…It meant he could complain in every other round that I took one of his guys. Brian and the Commish do tend to draft the same way, and we have both been successful in the past, but we have also suckled the bitter teat of defeat, will BK pucker up for the nipple in 7th season during the 08 campaign (We should have synched up these years you know)? A-rod is a no-brainer, I also think AG will be solid at 1st but will Fields be around all season at CI or will Nick “the limp dick or rod or” Johnson stay healthy? Not so sure there. Getting all sentimental over Patron late night does put the BK in my good graces (as does my man crush on everything Vlad) and I do like his squad, well except for that Sheffield character, but he’s again primed for a huge year (on the DL) as are the other Tigers on the highpockets. Well Rounded in the batting categories, I think he will be around the top of the pack there, but his Staff and Pen got dumped on their keyster with the injury to Lackey. The dreaded problem of drafting early a Spring training injury, hopefully he is back soon because BK’s staff needs him.
With Lackey you have a solid starting rotation, without him it falls to Hill, hmmmmm. The Pen will hold up it’s end with 40 (Mark it dude) to the Hoff, and 40+ to Papelboner, and I got a hunch Betancourt takes over in Cleveland so things are nice their, in fact if the Lack makes it back this is one of the better pitching set ups in Rockem…but injuries could De-rail the Pockets. BK has some DL Prone Players (Sheff, Johnson, Upton, Pena, Lackey)
Commish Predicktion: I think BK will need help in the pen and that will whittle down his power advantage, a major trade could skew things, and injuries are a concern, but I see him eeking it out in the free zone-Top 1/3-
Itallion Stallions-
Questions:
1. I think my draft went OK. I had a feeling that you guys were going to avoid pitching more than usual and i tried to capitalize on that by going after pitching; however, I think I still need an additional closer and the power potential of my team is suspect. I also thought that this was the hardest draft ever in the sense that the first three rounds were markedly different than they have been in recent years. Up until recently, it was always Arod-Pujols-Vlad-etc. Having the #2 pick was tough because I think I could have conceivably gone with about eight different dudes. In the end I just sold out and did what the mag told me to do.
2. I think that I'm psyched about Haren-Verlander more than anything. The worst pick I made was makers mark. I also think I picked Kent too high.
3. So as not to disturb anyone furthur (noise), Giambi throws the living room set onto the lawn for me to plow Salma's steakhole in peace. Which I do. But it's not peaceful. Spainsh chicks are loud dirty talkers.
4. I like the balance of torre, Asses and Morneau. If i had to pick, I'd say Morneau. But I have no idea, you guys know that.
5. I know it's cheesy, but the natural. It was the first baseball movie I ever saw. I think the scenes where he strikes out the whammer and knocks the cover off the ball are sick. And, as a kid I had not seen anything that was as heroic as him circling the bases with showers of sparks flying all around him.
6. Slopes? I don't like fumes, I don't remember fumes, but I'll go with fumes.
7. Not to sap out, but it was just great seeing you guys. And I'm going to kick someone's ass this year! Not sure who, but SOMEONE!
Commish’s Prespew:
Ahh the other Patron sentimental late night carouser, good to see you boys are back to back. Vig making his first draft in person I feel really made all the difference. It is hard to draft when not in the Mix, just look at McNally these last four years, but Now that J came East I think he put together his best squad yet…well at least he was on his way to until he passed out around round 17. (That little turn of phrase just reminded me we should do our draft or party our just buy a franchise of Ground Round. God I use to love going to the one by Sayville Bowl, a penny per pound for the kids meal, free popcorn and the ice cream slider helmet for dessert, those places were totally kick ass.) After Round 17 Vig just started naming Yank starters and hoping for the best, it may work for him, but the team he drafted early does show some promise. He will need Hanley, Lowell and Kent to repeat 07 and Hermida and Morenau to Pick it up a notch, but Vig’s team (I almost typed taint in there for a cheap gag…teehee…TAINT!) is fairly solid, almost as Solid as the chair shots he was begging Mike to give him.
Couple of big questions though; Can Beltran run after both those knee surgeries (God I hope so)? Just what the hell is a FuckuDome and how can I get one? Why was the I Luv You not listed in Ludwig's records? And if it was, did he know about it? And if he didn't, who did? And where the hell was I? Love the top 3 starters Haren Verlander and Kazmir, love the top Reliever, if he can maybe make a move for another closer and one of those Yankee Starters come through Vig COULD be looking at free eats, I think he has a chance with this squad…
Commish Predicktion: …And if hell’s bell’s don’t ring and the big Italian comes through in the clutch. Sure he may oversleep the meal, but his speech will be great. –Top 1/3rd-
Patrick Swazye-
2. One Pick you were stoked about, One you should have changed? Carlos Pena is my answer for both… if he does it again, I’ll be stoked. Otherwise, I should have changed it.
3. Fill in this scenario; you are walking home with one woman of your choice and one MLB player of your choice from Slopes back to the House…what happens? Not sure how to answer this… Are we talking about my choice of woman from those at SLOPES? If so, I’d have to say the gals from the little girl-on-girl show at the bar. They had personality. If we’re talking any woman at all, I’d say Kate from LOST. She’s a cutie and could protect me on the walk home. Either way, I wouldn’t want a MLB player to steal my thunder… so I’ll take Kaz Matsui because he has anal fissures… and he’s a slope.
4. Whose team are you most impressed with? My own… I drafted 2 closers!!
5. What is the best baseball movie of all-time? Bull Durham
6. What is worse for you Jagerbombs or the fumes we inhaled at Slopes? Impossible for me to determine… seeing as how we consumed Jaegerbombs while inhaling said fumes… the verdict is unclear.
7. Anything to say to your competitors? Poop
Commish Prespew:
Didn’t even know that the pedderarse Jimmy Cunningham from Donny Darko was sick, I thought McNally was just a huge Fan of Dirty Dancing and he and Bull watch it nightly in their pretty pretty princess canopy bed while feeding each other smores and wearing Tutu’s….only Tutu’s. (How’s that for a visual?) D-Mac Shacked up on the steps and went to town. He actually may have went to town as I don’t think I heard peep from him except the odd, “That’s My Roomate” line. Just like his prementioned roommate however Bodhi from Point Break put together his best draft yet in this commish’s opinion, but will it be good enough to eat for free? In those chaotic first few rounds James Dalton picked up a healthy Wright/Webb/Suzuki house roll with a side of Pena. Like any good Mexican jumping into the sushi fray there are a few questions. Did Ichiro blow his contract load last year (doubt it he may end up HOF IMO ASAP) Can Pena hit 40+ again? That is a true question…and one that that 4th round may be a bit early to have asked, but the upside is certainly there. Actually Pop is the big question as you scroll the team, Ankiel, Tejada, Francoeur, Dye, Thome, Thomas Pena. I would like 1 of those guys but all of them may be asking too much from a group that can be hot cold and old. (Or HgH Ankiel’s case). I like his average and runs though and if a few come through for Jed from Red Dawn then he could be pushing the contenders.
The staff is solid not spectacular. And except for maybe 1 or two other teams this year in the league that probably is about as good as it will get. Carpenter could be (COULD be) huge…next year, but Johnny Castle has him this year. Finally grabbing two closers was nice out in the AL west, and Street literally is the best player on the A’s this year, but how many Saves will he get? Again the staff isn’t horrible isn’t great, solid C+ for Sam Wheat’s Boys.
Commish Predicktion: While I like Darry Curtis’s effort I don’t see all those power question marks coming through, but I do see a solid staff and a few of them propelling Truman Gates to the middle of the pack. –Middle 1/3rd
Dogzilla-
1. How would you rate your draft (feel free to create your own scale)?
My best yet - somebody knows where that will put me in the standings but I think i'll continue to move up this year.
2. One Pick you were stoked about, One you should have changed?
Definitely stoked about picking #4 and getting MCab. As for a change - i'd like to have more of an ace but not sure where i could have fit that in - don't think i'd change my first seven picks.
3. Fill in this scenario; you are walking home with one woman of your choice and one MLB player of your choice from Slopes back to the House…what happens?
Since I didn't see any MLB players at Slopes I'll take the two chicks making out on the couch and let them continue on our couch.
4. Whose team are you most impressed with?
Bird's team from last year - how did that happen???
5. What is the best baseball movie of all-time?
The Natural
6. What is worse for you Jagerbombs or the fumes we inhaled at Slopes?
Oh god, easily the fumes - you notice it at first but after a few mins you get used to it. A few hours later you've been inhaing shit particles all night. Nice!
7. Anything to say to your competitors?
Good luck.
Commish Prespew:
Ahh Dog-ZIRRRA!!! He came in costume as a Samurai for the Draft (how did he know the theme??) he was hitting the Slopes! Hard (teehee) and he must be pumped the season starts in his homeland of Japan. He also wanted to draft an only Japanese team, but that plan went the way of the Dodo when Fatoneuzki’s favorite player Kazuhito Tadano was waved (Look him up). Trying to send a curveball to the league he faked the funk on the Pu Pu platter and went straight to the guy who has been at the all-you-can-eat Chinese Buffet for FOUR HOUR! YOU GO NOW!! I kid, MigCab looks like he lost weight, but that huge new contract can buy a shit load of Double Cheeseburgers. Donald-san put in some good work in the next few rounds as well, grabbing Manny that late could prove to be a real steal and the young OF Combo of Morecockass and Pence round things out nicely…Jesus Christ I like Don’s Team Again!!!
Oh wait we are only half way done…Thank god. This staff is put together with Chopsticks and Eye Contact Sauce, and her Comes Wang!!! Finally, a fellow country man to make Fatonesan proud. That’s about all who he will make proud, I just have no faith in the Wang, I think he is just too big in the britches, I mean the Wang will never fit in my ass…wait what!? 2 and a half closers from the NL Central, a Hudson (who I begrudgingly like) and a Penny in a Peartree who literally shit himself on the mound during the second half last year, yeah I think I’ll pass. Seriously Don looked like a gook.
Commish Predicktion: Feasting on O Fasting on D and since he burned me last year: Bottom 3rd for the Chinaman –Bottom 1/3rd
Zeddemore’s Poles
1.How would you rate your draft (feel free to create your own scale)?
On a scale of how long it takes Tom to pay you back for a baseball ticket, with day-of obviously being higher than 9 months later, I’d peg my team at about 14 months.
2. One Pick you were stoked about, One you should have changed?
Reyes vs pretty much every other pick I made, Reyes of course being the disappointment.
3. Fill in this scenario; you are walking home with one woman of your choice and one MLB player of your choice from Slopes back to the House…what happens?
Pretty much the same shit that happens every other weekend.
4. Whose team are you most impressed with?
I will win the league this year.
5. What is the best baseball movie of all-time?
Stripes.
6. What is worse for you Jagerbombs or the fumes we inhaled at Slopes?
Jagerbombs are good for you. Anyone who says otherwise is a liar.
7. Anything to say to your competitors?
I maintain, that in certain instances, throwing all the contents of the living room out onto the front lawn is completely justified.
Commish’s Prespew:
HAHA! Oh I am sorry were you expecting a preview…Ok Ok I will do my best. I was err…I was just thinking of something else just now. Eh. The Sadatay had one hell of a weekend, and went into the draft testing the age old theory, “Can I consume 18 Jager Bombs the night before the draft, get 2 hours sleep and contend for a Rockem Title?” Well Jeff can now put that theory to the test, but I gotta give my odds here and now so I will do my best. What might not be a good sign is literally looking at Christopher Meloni’s team and not knowing who he took with his second round pick…pssst I don’t think he knows…The Geri Curled Magg’s isn’t a bad pick, but I gotta say not much jumps out at you past Reyes. And when I say not much, that could even be an over statement. Brad Evans big brother should have taken his little brothers advice, all though not his jokes, I find that fucker grating on my Irish nerves. Winston as always scrapped pitching, and may find a few gems with Gallardo and Meyers…but yuck. Where Jeffe normally exceeds are his huge bar bills and his huge bats, and the major capitalist isn’t moving his belly off the bar anytime soon, but the bats are wilting. Guillen Byrnes Hunter Garko? Hmm…Hmm.Hmmmm….(Notice me Dragging this out much?). Let me just say the best move Jeff made this weekend was tossing all the furniture out of the house so no one got hurt. However he’s always successful (without lifting the cup) and he is engaged, that has served everyone well in the past so..…
Commish Predicktion: …well that changes this year. 2008 Rockem is just too close to have this bad of a draft. Jeff could fight for a mid table finish because he is one of the best managers out there, but his streak of never finishing below 6th is over. Monster Dump Rally Indeed –Bottom 1/3rd
Marilyn Morneau
1. How would you rate your draft (feel free to create your own scale)?
I think my draft was a lot like the Olive Garden. Not cheap, fast garbage, but also not the real thing. Something seemed a little off for me in the way I usually feel post-draft (7,000 jagerbombs the night before perhaps? No, couldn¹t be.)
I remember saying this to him at the draft - that my team looked a lot like Gallagher¹s type of team. Which is neither good nor bad, just didn¹t feel a lot like my type of team.
2. One Pick you were stoked about, One you should have changed?
Stoked about the Vernon Wells pick for a multitude of reasons: A) if me and the commish went the entire draft without one of us stealing a pick from the other I would have been rather disappointed. B) it actually made me feel better about what I still think is a kinda risky pick. C) He¹s V Doubles.
And I would take Delmon Young over Andruw Jones if I had it to do overagain. I don¹t like AJ, swore I would never have him, yet there he is. Staring right at me with those cold eyes and even colder AVG.
3. Fill in this scenario; you are walking home with one woman of your
choice and one MLB player of your choice from Slopes back to the House what happens?
Wait, did this happen!!?? I was a little out of it. I don¹t remember
getting home either night, so I¹m confused. I think I left with Jeff the second night and we walked home. No woman though. Wait, Jeff you play ball for really? MLB? I would have drafted you instead of Jones or Young.
Umm, I¹ll walk home with Britney Spears and Steve Howe. But nothing happens.
4. Whose team are you most impressed with?
As per usual, too close to call, everybody is missing something and nobody knows what will happen and we are all awesome. That not withstanding, I¹m actually a fan of Patrick Swayze. And Don¹s team ain¹t bad either. If Pena is for real and Tejada bounces back, I think this squad could make some noise.
5. What is the best baseball movie of all-time?
Major League. Probably should have read my questionnaire before I shot that one out on the ol¹ message board.
6. What is worse for you Jagerbombs or the fumes we inhaled at Slopes?
Well if you take into account the nutritional value of jagerbombs? No, it¹s jagerbombs. Actually, what is truly worse is handing your credit card over to naughty schoolgirl bartenders. Yowza, what a weekend.
7. Anything to say to your competitors?
I will be taking CC Sabathia in the first round next year when he signs with the yanksŠ oh and this year, I¹m totally winning. Get out the way suckas, that¹s Jason Kubel in left field!!!!
Šgood lord.
Commish Prespew:
Mike surprised me last year. I thought his team lacked, power, integrity, intelligence, charisma, and most of all Jager Bombs. This year he remedied that by putting out the big foot vibe and making the Ski house outside of Hunter happen (with much support from fellow QUEENS) and was initiated to Ghetto Speed Bombs pre-Hunter, so he had a leg up on the competition, if a Liver down. Grabbing Chase a second year in a row is fantastic, he may have been on his way to an MVP award last year if not for that freak gloryhole accident, or was Utley destroyed along with the room at the Loews Hotel? Backing him up with a few bats pre his inevitable pitcher run was a smart move, but does Hafner have anything left? Trust me I watched him last year and he flat out sucked…no slump, SUCKMP. With all the Dodgers on the squad he will need Pronk to be decent, because Chavez Ravine is almost as big as that girls ass you were talking to last night (Posting this assuming it will be true). The Of of the Marilyn’s is a bounce back project, and wow you did draft everyone from LA, god I know you love the City but that was pretty insane…Things on the bat side look well rounded unless an Earthquake hits.
Where Mike butters his biscuits is at the Black Bear and in the Pen, and again this year is no different, I am sure he is more worried about Andruw Jones then he is Ben Sheets. In fact this staff is may be the best in the league…let me explain others have more highpoints, but this is the most well rounded and suited for the long hall. Corpas Izzy Wagner closing, Halladay Hamels Sheets Weaver will give great stats, the only worry could be Izzy’s and Sheets health but they appear deep enough to weather the Sheets 2nd week torn ACL.
Commish Predicktion: an Interesting squad here, I am a bit perplexed with the offense, but something tells me this may be his year: Top-1/3rd
Half Time side question…you ever take a shit and throw up on your dick?
NOLA Crawdaddies
1.How would you rate your draft (feel free to create your own scale)?
I would say it was halfway between Gator Bites and a steaming cup of Crawfish Etouffee all backed up by an ice cold Abita.
2. One Pick you were stoked about, One you should have changed?
Stoked like a fire about Ortiz coming back to me at 2, but Unit with the 247 pick and Milledge with 223 I think will be big. Changed? Gotta be Buchholz even though I think he could be special (ie Retarded) and is dating a Penthouse Pet (ie Jealous) I should have taken a less risky SP like Weaver or Bondermen
3. Fill in this scenario; you are walking home with one woman of your choice and one MLB player of your choice from Slopes back to the House…what happens?
Well basically that weekend I would have taken any rolly polly little fat face girl to walk home with but dream wise… me and Selma would be walking home and cold chillin with “The Loaded Weapon” Eljiah Dukes, probably high on good shite. Then a band of Ninjas from slopes would attack us and I would cry, Selma would lose some close and Dukes would be all like “You Dead Dawg I ain’t even Bullshittin”(1) Go wild and kill them ninjas then pull a Billy Cole (2) and Blow his brains out. Selma would be all traumatized and saying shit like “Era loco necesito algún Pene irlandés” (3) And I would be like…Boosh (4).
Footnotes to my dream:
(1) http://www.sptimes.com/2007/05/23/Tampabay/Ballplayer_s_wife__He.shtml
(2) http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0102266/
(3) “That was crazy I need some Irish Dick.”
(4) http://www.babarshouse.com/
4. Whose team are you most impressed with?
Honestly, probably Vig’s. Major turnaround when the kid drafts in Person.
5. What is the best baseball movie of all-time?
Tough Question, Eight Men Out is criminally underrated in my book, Major League is the Funniest…but if it Counts (which it may not) the When It Was a Game Series on HBO almost makes me cry…Jesus I should buy that.
6. What is worse for you Jagerbombs or the fumes we inhaled at Slopes?
Nostrils were burned out years ago…Jagerbombs will kill me, this I am sure of…but I have lead a blessed life until now baby, no complaints…well except for that threesome that went a rye freshmen year…
7. Anything to say to your competitors?
My team fucks the hottest bitches:
http://www.withleather.com/post.phtml?pk=5257
{{ }}{{<span class="yshortcuts">http://umpbump.com/press/hot-baseball-wife-jennifer-lopez/</span>}}GUEST PREVIEW written this year by none other then our own favorite Dennis Bull Walters:
It looks like it will be another consistent year for SPD. A consistent draft strategy, Rounds 1-10: Hardly any white guys (Zimmerman’s a Jew right? According to Moon that doesn’t count) Rounds 11-24: Draft the youngest or the oldest guy on the board. Follow that will a consistent amount of Jagerbombs and a consistent love for BIG PAPI and you get a team with a bunch of questions.
The biggest obviously is WHERE THE FUCK IS MARK PRIOR?
In a recent fantasy interview Prior reportedly stated: “I am proud to be a Rockem Sockem fan favorite. It is an honor to return to the NOLA Crawdaddies where I was a first round pick in 2004. It’s been a long journey and I look forward to bringing another championship to…….what was that? He dropped me? For who? SHAWN MOTHER FUCKING MARCUM?”
In a follow up interview Prior quipped “Do I look like a Spoonybarger to you asshole? Oh yeah…and H.O.T.S. sucks ass!”
Other questions remain:
Can the Crawdaddies be the first to bring home the coveted Ees a Boat Cup for a second time? Is Curtis Granderson fo’ real? Or will he be icing his finger with a 40 of Colt 45 under a sign that says Rib Tips for the first half of the season? Will Hamilton go the way of Kaz Matsui when he breaks his crackpipe sliding into third? Anal fissures are a bitch!
Will Hughes, Buchholtz, Upton, and Milledge live up to hype? Wait did I say Milledge???
Milledge was expelled from Northside Christian School in 2003 for having sex with a 15-year-old girlfriend and agreed to enroll in a juvenile arbitration program to avoid prosecution. Soon after the Mets drafted Milledge in 2003, the Daily News reported that he had been accused of having consensual sex with 12 and 13-year-old girls as well, which led to his expulsion from school.
Did you draft a Fantasy Baseball Player or Humbert Humbert? I guess that’s why he looked so uncomfortable in Right Field at Shea…. didn’t get to play on too many fields with grass.
Although the foundation of Ortiz, Rollins, Abreu is solid, this is a team that is going to live and die with the kids and senior citizens. Tulowitzki is a stud in the making and we could see breakout years from Weeks, Zimmerman, and Hamilton. A wing and a prayer on Giambi, Griffey, and Delgado could provide the veteran leadership to get the Crawdaddies to eat free.
On the other side of the 6 x 6 format we have the youngest staff in the league. This is no doubt a great staff…Zambrano, King Felix, Phil Hughes, No-No Buchholz, that kid known as the Big Unit. However is this a first place staff for 2008 or 2011? I predict a lot of wins, very few CG’s and a whole lot of WHIP. For saves, this team needs a Saito injury for Broxton to emerge, Jenks is fine but a post roid Gagne is not a reliable number two.
At the end of the day this is a team that is likely to make a Skin the Cat move in the final weeks to compete but ultimately takes a fistful of Fujidust to the eyes to finish just out of the Free Eats.
(Commish Note, Thanks Bull)
The Bleeding Asses
1. How would you rate your draft (feel free to create your own scale)?
0 (Fat girl dancing by herself at Slopes) 10 ($4000 Hooker)
‘Bout an 8.75. Feeling good thus far.
2. One Pick you were stoked about, One you should have changed?
(Stoked) Francisco Liriano (Changed) The one in Glen’s hair.
3. Fill in this scenario; you are walking home with one woman of your choice and one MLB player of your choice from Slopes back to the House…what happens?
So Eva Longoria and Evan Longoria and I walking through a misty evening on our way back from Slopes. While walking through the muddy path Eva…..wait you’re just trying to make me sound gay.
4. Whose team are you most impressed with?
Vig’s Solely because he actually made the draft……fell asleep at the draft…..and wiped out almost crushing McNally at the end of the draft. Frankly I’m impressed he even has a team. Drafting in locations with no communication probably not a good idea for the future.
5. What is the best baseball movie of all-time?
Take the Bullpen Car….Christ Dorn…..I got a guy on the other line about some whitewalls.
6. What is worse for you Jagerbombs or the fumes we inhaled at Slopes?
Jagerbombs
7. Anything to say to your competitors?
Pass the NIPS!
Commish Prespew:
Bull sat in the corner and reigned supreme on the quasi gey jokes all weekend, like a king on a throne. A throne that had a vibrating butt plug facing upwards wedged into the seat. He went for well rounded over hype and position early with Monster Holliday and Sizemore, who should fit this Sizequeen nicely. Then the pitching run with two of the AL’s best. Russell, Chipper, Brad, CRACKERS!!!! Nice work all white guys…(is grady white?) I guess that all day ski-fest and Hot Tub hanging with Glen really put you off the dark meat huh? But you just couldn’t resist a Fist-o to set you upright in the pants. This team besides the racial makeup is a bit mind boggling it seems well rounded but could be lacking in all areas if the cookie crumbles into the Bud incorrectly. The Staff is incredibly Pen heavy, How much can Joba the Man Slut contribute? Will Liriano be the beast that he was or have his arm fall off? If he is back in full swing Bull could contend for the cup, and I think he just might. But if Beckett’s Back goes out Bedrad struggles and Liranio underperforms (all very possible) I could see him struggling in the bottom 2. Really odd.
(Commish’s Late Edit: Seriously, Bull drafted a guy who has anal fissure’s!!! Kaz Matsui needs surgery for ANAL FISSURE’S!! http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anal_fissure I mean come on I could have saved all my time and just sent a link of Kaz’s post it instead of the preview, the jokes write themselves sometimes)
Commish Predicktion: Color me confused, this team has me perplexed; I originally thought they would win Rockem 8. Then I thought last place, I don’t know, literally don’t know. Nothing with this squad can surprise me –Middle 1/3rd
(Commish Late Edit: Not Even Anal FiSSURE’S!)
Torre A New One
- How would you rate your draft (feel free to create your own scale)?
God Awful….when you have 5 guys hurt before the season even starts, cant be good- One Pick you were stoked about, One you should have changed?
Stoked – Santana Changed - Santana3. Fill in this scenario; you are walking home with one woman of your choice and one MLB player of your choice from Slopes back to the House…what happens?
The MLB Player will do the walk of shame back to Slopes to find a fat chick drinking Jagerbombs.
4. Whose team are you most impressed with? Vigs
5. What is the best baseball movie of all-time? Field of Dreams
6. What is worse for you Jagerbombs or the fumes we inhaled at Slopes?
The fumes we inhaled back at the house after drinking the Jagerbombs.
7. Anything to say to your competitors?
Anyone want Santana???
Commish Prespew:
Well Well Well returning Champion….Must be nice…Live it up while you can, since NO one repeats in this and you are well on your way there with this heaping pile a steaming mucus. I haven’t even looked at your team yet, I am still just bitter. All right let me look. Nope nothing changes…still bitter. I do however see a bunch o’pop on this squad, HR’s should not be a problem or OBP, but the BA with the Stinky Sexy and Pat the Bat will sink like a stone. Also not the most speed, but why do you need speed when you are the anointed Poker champ of this group. Hope I started a fight with that one, Kitty’s got claws! Birdies Moment of Truth (is that what that show is called) came early and he jumped on it like a hand grenade, grabbing Santana, does he parley him into a few players or ride him to HIS WRITTEN IN STONE (tommyjohnsurgery) CY YOUNG!!! Behind Santana things are a bit thin and creaky with Percival…wow back in the league and closing…And Rod Beck is dead…Fair? Unfair? Unfair! After a bit mulling over it is a pretty well rounded O but the pen while decent seems a bit thin. And one flase step and you are swimming in Raw Sewage. I love it…
Commish Predicktion: …and you will love this, I just don’t see it again…I was going to pick the Birdman to win just to piss him off, but no sir, I don’t like it. Unless you are getting married again this year…then all bets are off. –Bottom 1/3rd
Bourne To Run
- On a scale of 1 to 10, I'd rate my draft a blah. The past few years I came out of the draft psyched with my team and they shit the bed. So maybe this team will do something...that doesn't involve beds or shitting.
2. One Pick you were stoked about, One you should have changed?
-Very excited about Pedro in round 10. If he comes close to approaching his old self then my pitching is in good shape. Also very happy about Michael Bourn. Maybe a bit of a reach in round 13, but if he hits at all he'll run a TON. And I heard that another team was thinking of drafting him around the same time as I got him. Should have changed: Could have done better than Blanton in round 15
3. Fill in this scenario; you are walking home with one woman of your choice and one MLB player of your choice from Slopes back to the House…what happens?
Trick question. I only get driven home from Slopes by BK (oh my geeeoood!). And considering that I pass out at 8:30 while everyone else is there, I'll leave it up to you to decide whether I'm dreaming of a woman or a certain baseball player (hint: rhymes with Schmoookie Schmilson)
4. Whose team are you most impressed with?
It's a tough call this year. No one team stands out. I thought that Bull's looked pretty good but then it was correctly pointed out to me by a fellow manager that his bullpen is garbage . (Hint: rhymes with Schmike Schmyniec)
5. What is the best baseball movie of all-time?
Really tough. I have to go with The Natural. I have never seen Bang the Drum Slowly but I should. The best unintentionally funny baseball movie by FAR is Fear Strikes Out. Serioulsy, rent it. It's absolutely hilarious and it's supposed to be a heart-wrenching drama about mental illness.
6. What is worse for you Jagerbombs or the fumes we inhaled at Slopes?
Jagerbombs. Easily
7. Anything to say to your competitors?
Stop drinking my goddamn milkshake!!!!!
Commish Boss Predicktion:
In the day we sweat out the night before’s jagerbomb dreams, at night we destroy ski haus mansions, inhale Slopes! Fumigation Machines. Your team is certainly sprung out from the pitching cages lining highway 9 (road to Hunter), but your offense is far from chrome wheeled except for the Howard injected masher who certainly can hit them over the line. The 6 offense categories are going to rip the bones out of your teams back, they’ll be a literal death trap. Better hope your Pitching carries you while your still young, because Tommy to eat for free your going to need more then the 40 Sb’s from Michael Bourne to Run.
Commish Boss Predicktion: Tramps like Tom baby, were born to pay for food. Middle 1/3rd
Ephedraheartstoppers
How would you rate your draft (feel free to create your own scale)?
On a scale of baseball teams where SanFran is the worst and Mets are the best I rank my team the Brewers. (or Cubs depending if Roberts gets traded)
One Pick you were stoked about, One you should have changed?
I dont get stoked. After talking with Eben I should have taken Brawn in the first round since he says he wouldnt have taken Prince giving me him on the wrap around and all the Brewers. Also I wanted Billy Butler but I got Joe Borowski that round...awesome.
Fill in this scenario; you are walking home with one woman of your choice and one MLB player of your choice from Slopes back to the House…what happens?
Nothing happens, because if I had the choice of one woman I certiantly wouldnt be bringing her back to the funhouse. I'd then tell Coco Crisp to get in the kitchen and make me some cereal.
Whose team are you most impressed with?
Yours. You have Lastings Milledge for gods sake. Cant lose.
What is the best baseball movie of all-time?
Field of Dreams - I do have family in Iowa
What is worse for you Jagerbombs or the fumes we inhaled at Slopes?
Both helped make that place bearable
Anything to say to your competitors?
Jeff is winning because he is getting married this year. Dumbass. The battle is for 2nd.
Commish PreSpew:
Cruising up in the Hoopity was a hoot with the Moon (who’s namesake the Blue Moon was a complete shit show by the way…yet another bad pick that weekend Winston!) in which we discussed possible scenarios McDonalds toppings, houses, and vagina. All of which ended up being present on Blue Moons Team (new nickname, patent that shit). He got the House out of the way first with the big ticketed and big tittied Prince fielder, should be huge…all over. Backing him up is D the Crime Dog Lee who loves Pickles and hot sauce on his double cheese, and then he drafted JD Drew to fit the Vagina mold…nice work. I also picked up a shit load of Mike and Ikes from Stewarts on the way up and I just found out Matt Kemp is addicted to them…I knew I should have drafted that dude.
We all know Moon is not against making trades, and I think he will need to pull the trigger a bit this year, his aggressive poker from the night before made he go aggressive O, with Cubbie Bears, (field trip to Wrigley?) but he needs some help in the Pen, Harang will put up K’s and wins, but Young Lincecum and Wainwright isn’t the most glorious of staffs, the pen is loaded, but I think there just seems to be too many holes in this Swiss Cheese Moon (new nickname patent it). Jay will always make changes and he always makes a run, just don’t see him running a marathon this year the way he did draft weekend. Nice Work…HomeOwner (teehee)
Commish Predicktion: Like the Grilled Cheese he cooked up Moons teams will look good at first but will hurt in the end (literally)-Middle 1/3rd
The Spearmint Rhinos-
1. How would you rate your draft (feel free to create your own scale)?
Orange out of a possible Red
2. One Pick you were stoked about, One you should have changed?
Retrospectively-stoked about A. Pujols...can't believe you
chumps allowed him to drop to the 12 hole just because of one "off"
year. R. Braun was probably a lousy move. I have no idea who this guy is
and blame McNally entirely for pushing him on me.
3. Fill in this scenario; you are walking home with one woman of
Your choice and one MLB player of your choice from Slopes back to the House...what happens?
I put on my pajamas and Burts Bees, go to bed, and ask them to
please keep it down.
4. Whose team are you most impressed with?
I like Moon's (he was always beating me to the punch) and I have a tacit
appreciation for Commish's...who had an excellent middle draft this year
that could prove rewarding (Phil Hughes, Zimmy, etc etc).
5. What is the best baseball movie of all-time?
Nine Innings from Ground Zero (Ryniec's video of RS7 is a close second)
6. What is worse for you Jagerbombs or the fumes we inhaled at Slopes?
Jager...always Jager...it's like perpetually doing shots of Scope or
Minty Listerine...we may as well hold next year's draft in a dental
office.
7. Anything to say to your competitors?
No. The Rhinos don't speak; they just horn (I don't know what that means either).
Commish Prespew:
Ahh Where to begin?!? At the obvious I guess. R. Braun. Really enough said, but I will continue, cause it is my job. Call it women’s intuition, but I don’t think both of Wilson’s SNAAAAAAAAAAKE Picks live up to their draft spot, Sophomore slump for Braun and a DL trip for the Pujols…BUT if they do he could be in for some nice power numbers…that said I still don’t think our White House Correspondent is going to be making much noise. Lets look, Glaus? Roidhead. Drafting all the Yankees Vig didn’t? Prob a good move. Matt Diaz Wily Tavares Broussard? Who?
The O is kinda faceless if the PuPu leaves, The pitching with Nathan and Oswalt is top heavy but real thin after that, 2 Slopes and a Zito…yikes. Wilson goes by his stat sheets and when he actually decides to stay active as a manager he contends, and even eats for free…DAM YOU REPUBLICAN TOMATO! But this is an election year his mind will be elsewhere, his balls will be in Carol’s purse and his SB’s will be in the shitter. The scared pterodactyl will make an appearance at our all star party if it doesn’t conflict with his presidential duties (tee hee and you know W would laugh at that). But unlike last year when he was striking distance from the cup he will be striking distance from the bowl…the toilet bowl.
Commish Predicktion: The Pajama Mama will be making excuses and coughin up the dough –Botom 1/3rd
I post the final standings strictly on the drafts and not what may or may not happen…as always it is almost to close to call and I could see any team taking the Eets a Boat this year, I take that back Winston would really surprise me…
Commish Final Standings
12. Zeddemore Poles
11. Dogzilla
10. Spearmint Rhinos
9. Torre a New One
8. Bourne To Run
7. ephedraheartstoppers
6. Patrick Swayze
5. The Bleeding Asses
4. NOLA CrawDaddies
3. C-Town Highpockets
2. Italian Stallions
1. Mayiln Morneau
Lets see how this Milkshake Drains....